Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year's Resolution # 1

James has reached the age where he will absolutely refuse to watch “girl” movies with me.  He will run, hide, fake sleep, and downright say “NO” to his precious mama.  Billy, however, owes me about 2,475 movies because I endured his favorite movie, Mars Attacks.    He promised I would roll on the floor laughing.  He swore it was the funniest movie ever made.  He guaranteed tears would roll from my eyes from laughter.  He assured me this movie would forever be in my top five if I would just watch it.  So, I did. 

Cue the crickets chirping

Hands down, the worst movie ever made.  Now, I laugh at everything.  Teachers on the other side of the building make comments about hearing me laugh.  I giggle at my own crummy jokes, for crying out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  However, this movie didn’t even warrant a snigger, snicker, titter, chuckle, laugh, chortle, twitter, or cackle. 

Don’t you just love a thesaurus?

His punishment was fierce and swift.  He was forced to watch The Notebook.

(I know - shocked that he hadn’t seen it yet, right?????)

He was also “allowed” to take me to see The Fault in Our Stars despite my RULE about never, ever, ever, ever, watching a movie until I read the book FIRST!!  Here I blame Jacki and Sithney.  She was taking Sithney to see it, asked how I liked the book, wondered if I thought any scenes might be too risqué, acted mortified that I HADN’T READ IT YET……….so, to save face, I pulled the poor husband to the theater.

I admit…… was a great story.  Of course, I bawled. 

At this time I will choose to not say if Billy cried or not.  I will never let the public know what a blubberer you are, sweetie!!!  At least there were only two other males in the theater!!!

It was a GREAT MOVIE!   The cast did a great job.  I was moved.  I was inspired.  I simply loved it. 


Dang, what a difference!!  I know, I know.  All books are better than the movie version.

Well, I won’t say ALL, but I don’t want to start a fight about just how great Gregory Peck portrayed Atticus Finch!!!!!!

The book was absolutely a GAZILLION times better than the movie.  Therefore, I am now declaring this one of my New Year’s Day, 2015 resolutions!!!


Unless, it is date night.  

And he’s found a movie worse than Mars Attacks.  

Friday, December 26, 2014

Procrastination or Celebration?

When is it time to take the Christmas tree and decorations down?  Is there a direct connection to when you take it down to when you choose to put it up? Are you really STILL celebrating the birth or are you procrastinating?   Hmmmmmmmmm.  Let’s ponder that. 

My mother could squeeze a buffalo nickel until he screamed for mercy.  For every dollar my dad made, my mom saved $1.25.  A lot of her talent for saving money had to do with recycling and reusing EVERYTHING.  

Here’s an example.

Every DECEMBER……(note - it wasn’t until DECEMBER!!!!) we would decorate the tree.  We brought out the boxes of decorations wrapped carefully in newspaper.  Breakable ornaments went to the top of the tree - thanks to some silly cats in the house.  Homemade ornaments in the middle and the bottom.  Garland that had been on sale in 1972 at Hills Department Store went on the tree despite the lack of shine.  Then came out the brown paper bag. The paper bag was in itself an antique.  You know when you’ve rolled and unrolled and filled and unfilled a paper bag until it is soft and tender and simply “used?”  That’s the bag I’m talking about.  There are no holes in it.  It still works.  Why get rid of it?   

So here comes the flat bag out of the box of ornaments and tinsel.  The bag is opened to reveal……….the icicles.  The icicles that were in the markdown aisle also at Hills Department Store at the after Christmas sale.  I’m guessing maybe they cost $0.10.   They are glopped together, crinkled like crazy, and flat as a pancake, but here they go on the tree.  My sister and I tried our best to separate them, spread them out, and made that tree the best-looking tree possible.  And guess what?  It was.  There’s nothing like Christmas as a kid. 

So back to my question.  When do you put up the decorations, and when do you take them down?  Here are my thoughts.  I take a lot after my mother.  A lot.  I mean a lot.  However, I buy new icicles every year.  I throw caution to the wind and purchase a new pack.  I love throwing them on the tree.  You can’t place icicles.  They have to be tossed with precision.  You can’t have too many in your hand, and you can’t have too few.  You need just the right amount to toss so that they float down in just the right place.  You know it’s the right place when you finish the decorations, sit down on the couch with your cup of coffee, recline to admire your work, and wait for the heat pump to kick on.  If the tree icicles are in the right spot, the gentle breeze of the heat pump will blow them across the lights.  The reflections on the breakable ornaments, the homemade ornaments, and the antique childhood ornaments will bring tears.  The icicles are important.  They are crucial to the tree…….(so is the heat pump.)  However, this feeling of reminiscing and reflection simply doesn’t happen until AFTER Thanksgiving.

 I don’t like mixing holidays!!!!  Thanksgiving is a time for turkey, stuffing, pumpkins, pilgrims, cornucopias, and football.  Then comes the MEGA-SHOPPING day (which has now been ruined thanks to retailers opening on Thanksgiving Day which is a TOTAL SIN!!!!!)  on Black Friday.  One stop you have to make is Target to stroll through the Christmas decorations………..begin to get the feeling………begin to feel the desire to decorate……..begin to wistfully crave putting up the Christmas tree when you get home.  But first, you must purchase the new pack of icicles.  If Black Friday shopping has not simply KILLED YOU, then I recommend stopping by Kentucky Fried Chicken for the big bucket of Original Recipe with slaw, mashed potatoes, and gravy.  Throw it on the table and tell everyone how lucky they are to have you and then enlist every able body to haul up those totes of decorations and 


Yep, that’s right.  The day after Thanksgiving is tree-decorating day!!

Now, when to take it down.  Some people say you MUST leave it up until New Year’s Day.  Here’s my thought about that subject.  Is it truly because you are celebrating the birth of Jesus all the way up to January or is it simply because you can’t bear the thought of taking that mess to the basement?  It is procrastination or continuing the celebration? 

Here’s my guideline.  When the Alpha-male, beastly, gigantic, scary beast of a PIT-BULL named Boscoe seems to have had his fill of icicles……..when he looks at you with the dumb look that he is known WORLD-WIDE for………when he has icicles hanging out of his mouth………

Please look away from the following sentence if you have a weak stomach

- When he has icicles hanging from his butt due to mass consumption……… then it’s time to take the tree down.  Let’s be honest.  After the presents are gone, the trashcan is spilling over, and the wonder and excitement have passed…………everybody goes back to work……life goes back to normal………the decorations need to be packed……and the used icicles need to be thrown away.

And Boscoe’s stomach will begin to get back to normal.

But the outside lights are the husband’s job and might just have to wait till New Year’s Day…….or February 4.  

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I Got My Hair Done at the Newspaper Office!

I haven’t blogged in a long time…….for a decent reason.  I have six flash drives, and three of them are full.  Yes, I back them up………occasionally.  Turns out that “occasionally” was three months ago.  I have a favorite flashdrive.  It’s my fave because it’s 

Tennessee arnge!!!!!! 

For you Yanks, that’s “orange” in proper Southern drawl!

Guess what?  It crashed.  We are talking the red, flashing light of death.  So……..for a week or so, I’ve felt hopeless, helpless, and downright upset.   But I’ve worked hard, ranted, gave it my best, cussed, and finally settled down enough and realized I’m going to be BUSY over Christmas break trying to redo some stuff.  Anyway…….on to my hair appointment

As I said earlier on Facebook, I’m now a food blogger for the Kingsport Times News - OMG!!!!  I’m so excited and scared and worried and thrilled and just tickled pink!!!!  I was scheduled this afternoon to go to the Times News office and let Matthew take my picture.  Lipstick was on.  OF COURSE I WAS WEARING BLACK 

 “It makes you look thinner!”

 Now, let’s talk about the hair……..Just to be clear, I had this hair at conception.  I came out with a head full of curls……. I still have a head full of curls!!!!   This is a current picture of me.  

It is curly.  Very curly.  Which worked in the 80s but not so much now.  Yeah, I’ve ironed it, straightened it, put chemicals on it that should have made it fall out, curled it on rollers, slept in rollers, and prayed to the hair gods that I would one day wake up and be a gorgeous blonde with straight hair and bangs.  However, I am and always will be ………A Big Haired Child of the 1980s. 

So I walk in for the picture and asked him to use the camera lens that knocks 30 years and 100 pounds off.  He was a good sport about a comment he’s probably heard no less than a gazillion times.  Then he takes the test shot.  One curl out of whack.  He moves it.  He pushes it down.  It springs back up.  Katina comes over and helps push it down.  Two more spring up.  They tuck.  They twirl. They twist it.  Then he takes two shots.  Oh, my…….it looked bad.  So I fluff.  He fluffs.  She fluffs.  We all fluff.  We arrange and rearrange this mess of hair o’mine until we get a decent shot.  I’m more worried about how many chins were peeking out of the collar..but, it’s done.  Now onward and upward……..Coming soon to a Wednesday newspaper near you!!!!!